This Weekend…
I want to…
- Bake chocolate chip cookies from scratch.
- Shoot some film on my 35mm.
- Have an awesome shoot with the family I’m meeting with Friday evening.
- Serve with my band/Apex family at all the gatherings.
- Sleep in on Saturday. Past 9am.
- Start thinking about moving/packing up the apartment. I’ve really felt at home at this apartment- but I’m excited for a new challenge and a new season in life.
- Watch a sad movie. (check. I have ‘Bright Star’ waiting for me)
- Laugh.
- Have a open and willing heart.
I think I can fit that all in this coming weekend, no?
Let me collect my thoughts…
“…Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure…” -James 4:2-3
Apex is going through the book of James this summer… its a book of the Bible where I feel like I should just highlight/underline every verse written…but this verse in particular stuck out to me during the gathering last night. And the words Jason spoke to accompany it… just the thought that most of time? What I pray? Entirely selfish. Me. Me. Me, and…me some more. God I want this, God I need that, God help ME…me, me, me, I, I, I…
It says right there, that I do not have because I ask with wrong intentions. And I admit that. But as a human being, I don’t think I’ll ever achieve having entirely pure intentions. I don’t know if I believe that that is possible. Is it possible to pray for someone to share life with without having ANY selfish undercurrent? Can I really pray for a new job without allowing a few self-seeking desires in?
I believe that I can try to have pure intentions. And I can pray that God will grant me pure intentions, but, I’m not sure I’ll ever reach a point of praying only unselfish prayers. And I think God knows that. I mean, if my desires were completely pure 100% of the time, I would have everything I wanted, and all of that would be in line with the will of God, no? And I don’t believe that’s attainable here on earth.
I believe the desire to be that way is attainable, I believe that I should strive for that goal, but God knows my heart. And I know I am a selfish being. I’m not going to stop praying for things I desire- I do pray that God would change my heart though, if its not what He desires. I pray on a daily basis that He would keep my heart and my thoughts pure.
I brought this up to a couple girlfriends after the gathering… “Is it even possible to pray for a spouse, or legitimately GET married, without ANY selfish intentions?” Now, I’m not married, so I can’t answer this as so, but we came to the decision that it seemed pretty impossible. Being lonely, or wanting someone to share life with is a selfish and broken desire. Unless you just see yourself as a HUGE blessing and an amazing and wonderful bonus to the person you are marrying…. and you are marrying them to benefit them….um…yeah, not really.
But again, we came to the conclusion that we feel these things. And, yes, technically, they are wrong. They are selfish. But we are a fallen people and we will always desire what we don’t have, be that what it may- God knows this. God doesn’t withhold happiness and blessings because of our ill intentions- thank goodness. But when I sit here and pray frustrated prayers out of selfishness, its a blunt reminder to hear: “Hey, maybe if you desired ME above all else, and fixed your eyes on my will, not only would these ‘wants’ seem small and insignificant, but I will fulfill those longings and desires in the way that I see fit.”
Elisabeth Elliot says in her book ‘Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion and Purity”:
“…He always answers the cry of the man or the woman who wills (against all wanting) to do His will…”
All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
My heart pounds, my strength fails me;
even as the light has gone from my eyes…
I wait for you, O Lord;
you will answer me, O Lord my God.
-Psalm 38:9-10, 15
**added later**
I guess I should clarify (after a few comments I got on FB) I didn’t mean the desire to get married is evil/wrong, I do not believe that at all- just that the stem of it comes from being a broken human being with selfish desires. If I were a perfect human being, I would desire God and He would be enough- yet God knew that it would not be so- He said it was not good for man to be alone- so, even though I’m an imperfect human being- He provides.
That conversation with my friends was more stemmed from what Jason had directly addressed in the message @ apex- how praying for a spouse because you are ‘lonely’ is a selfish prayer…. and I was sort of refuting that its one of those “okay” selfish prayers- because lets be honest, most of us are going to pray that at one point or another…..
Weekend in Photos Pt. II
Friday night I got to hang out around some amazing writers/musicians… completely inspired… they all shared original music and lyrics, gave honest critiques and inspiration ideas… all talented people who love music and God.
Pictures….
I love having a little point and shoot. The photos aren’t ‘quality’… but its fun to capture the silly stuff sometimes and not worry about the end result…
I made sure to have my camera Sunday, because Team 1 decided to dress up(!) Ties for the boys and skirts and heels for the girls. (I wore flip-flops TO and FROM+ went barefoot during the break between gatherings. I don’t really function like a normal girl in heels.)
Brian decided to rock the full suit (and…I think the others guys failed to pass along the memo that they were being “artsy/cool/rockstar/nonchalant/whateverJoecalledit) Drummer in a suit!
For some weird reason a couple of the band members are obsessed with Ski Ball on Brian’s iphone…. I stink at it… so I only try and play it to annoy them.
Kate… was taking video… because we have the same cameras and they take HD video!
Joe thinks that cable is the new chain-for-the-wallet-trend. He is so hip.
Me- as shot by Joe.
Full outfit shot…. I managed to hem the dress Friday night to a length that I like (I didn’t actually cut it, just folded it up and tacked it by hand) and I love how my cardigan just happens to coordinate perfectly with my bedroom wall
And a shot of my hair…. and my pretty flower headband
Yay… and for good measure, here’s a couple shots I stole from my lovely and amazing friend Kate’s facebook:
Kate, me and Marella @ Cedarville before we lead worship at Radiance (love these ladies!)
Kate, Hannah and me out at Cox Arboretum on Friday shooting photos and video for a project we’re working on
Kate&me this past Saturday night before the gathering @ band practice
So thankful for all the wonderful friends I have in my life… especially these special ladies. I never really had a whole lot of close female friends, I’ve always been the goofy/buddy girl with guys and had an occasional close female friend (and only a few of them have stuck over the years) but in the past few years I’ve really gotten close to some amazing, beautiful and Godly women… and I’m incredibly thankful for them.
Day in the Life…
It feels like Spring…
…and I’m neglecting my adult responsibilities to play in the sun and take naps… (well, today at least.)
There’s a Night of Worship at Apex tomorrow evening, starts at 6pm, last year’s was amazing and encouraging… and just a total blast, so if you can make it, you should come out.
A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of writing a blog post/visiting a house church in the Cincinnati area to serve with/photograph them ministering at a mission downtown, and the post is up on the Apex blog currently. It was inspiring to see a house church that has chosen to dedicate both time and money on a regular basis to help those in need… and it was an honor to join them and be a part of what they do for an evening.
And that’s all I have for now. I’m debating in taking my camera tomorrow night, I’m sure I will, so there will probably be some band photos up in the next few weeks.
The Window is Open Darling….
The weather has been amazing here lately. Sunny, warm. I can’t believe it really. Just a few weeks ago I was snowed in for days on end… and last night and tonight I’m sleeping with the window open. (sure, its a bit chilly… but it smells like spring)
some pretty pages of the new Martha Stewart Weddings magazine I purchased…. I buy these occasionally to stay inspired with the weddings I shoot.
I’ve been exhausted here lately, a lot going on… but I’ve managed to trim the list down a little… I’m looking forward to spring and pretty weather, longer days and sunshine… and hopefully some photo shoots.(anyone looking to book a family/engagement/just-because-you-want-to-session? E-mail me! em@emilyophoto.com)
Last night I drove to Cincinnati to document a house church outreach for a ministry I’m involved in at Apex- I guess there will be an article/blog entry up soon (I’ll post the link). It was encouraging and just plain neat to observe/meet the group (and participate a little) and witness how they’ve chose to serve others.
Family Session
Last Saturday I had the honor of photographing the Turner family at Wegerzyn Gardens in Dayton… such an amazing family, I get to hang out with Rob a bit when I play on the band at Apex, (he’s the teaching pastor there) but this was the first time I got to hang out with the whole family… tons of fun, and a beautiful location picked by them. (I love it when clients have an idea of where they’d like to take their photos, it makes them a lot more personal)
There’s just a little personality floating around in their family….
…and finally, just mom and dad…
I had a hard time narrowing down all the photos, I have to give them a bunch because they were all so fun and the location was so pretty and versatile…
The Weekend.
Amazing weekend. Pumpkin carving and games of Catchphrase, caramel apples, tons of music, hanging out with awesome people, serving and playing on the Apex band, amazing music, time with God, my little sister’s audition….
I’ve really got to work on actually capturing real moments as a photographer, because I’m pretty terrible at it… I had to steal photos from Saturday nights Halloween escapades… some of us crafted amazingness out of tin foil… all for a free Chipotle burrito. I mean, wouldn’t you? (this was as close to a costume as I got this year.)
I’m pretty sure I have more bling than Isaac…
we’re all just a bunch of nerds really…. and that is awesome. (p.s., my sister had an amazing bow and arrow… I guess noone got a picture?! Dang it.)
… this photo of my brother was taken before the fairy wings were added… yes. It’s true. I love my brother and Kari.
Apex Live
So, the night of worship at Apex went amazingly….all four bands did amazing jobs, I thought each one sounded better than the next….I ran around like a crazy person after Team 1 (my band!) was finished snapping a ton of photos. Hey, it’s a form of worship/appreciation of God for me. Each band played some of my favorite songs, Phil Wickham’s “You’re Beautiful”,(Team 1) “True Love”, (Team 3) “Divine Romance” (Team 4), Hillsong’s “Mighty to Save” (LOVE that song) and”All Creatures”. (Team 2)
It was such an incredible night, God is flat-out amazing. And it was such a blessing to be with everyone, both on the band and in the crowd and hear them all singing their hearts out to God.
(I didn’t get any photos of Team 1, because that’s the team I’m on, so this one is from Cameron Braun Photography. Thanks for getting this Cameron!)
The rest are mine…I had a lot of fun playing with my new lensbaby…which will be apparent.
Phil Wing Benefit Concert Photos
Since I guess people actually read this thing…and don’t look at my flickr site…..(cough, cough) here are a few of the photos from the Phil Wing Benefit Concert, featuring Charis, Blackburn, and of course, the Phil Wing Band (with Phil on keys!! Yay, how thrilling)
Mark Your Calendar, or Something
Come see us play!
When:Sunday, June 24th, 3:30-5:30
Where: the FAIRFIELD location of Barnes and Noble
Who: the band I am in with some guys from Apex
We’re doing an acoustic set, covers and worship songs. Apex has been asked to do several weekend music gigs at both the Fairfield AND Datyon Mall locations of Barnes and Noble. So, not only is this a fun opportunity for us, its also an amazing blessing to be asked to do this.
Swing by to show me some love, I’d really appreciate it.